Early Childhood: Seeds of Spiritual Awakening

Reflecting on how my early childhood profoundly influenced my emotional resilience and planted the seeds of my spiritual awakening

I have always felt different from everyone in numerous ways, a sensation that has followed me like a shadow throughout my life. Physically, I differed markedly from my siblings, with my dark brown skin, brown hair, hazel eyes, and heavy-set physique standing in stark contrast to their fair skin, blonde hair, striking blue eyes, and thin physiques. This physical disparity was not just a matter of aesthetics; it often felt like a visual representation of a deeper divergence that set me apart from my family unit. Internally, I also felt out of place, as if I were inhabiting a body that did not quite match my spirit. I often sensed myself as an old soul in a young body, possessing insights and understandings that seemed to elude my peers. While most children my age were preoccupied with the typical concerns of childhood and adolescence, I found myself contemplating deeper philosophical questions and pondering the complexities of human emotions and relationships.

This innate sense of wisdom, or perhaps simply a heightened awareness, often made it challenging for me to connect with those around me. I would observe the world with a unique lens, perceiving nuances in situations that others might overlook, and this often left me feeling isolated, as if I were standing on the outside looking in. This deep sense of both disconnection and connection has consistently accompanied me throughout life, shaping my thoughts, actions, and relationships in subtle yet significant ways. While my spiritual gifts have always been a blessing to me, they also came with numerous challenges, tests, and trials. Learning to exercise discernment was not an easy feat, particularly in my childhood. I frequently felt overwhelmed and frightened by phenomena that were beyond my understanding.

Since early childhood, I have always harbored a profound desire to protect others, an instinct that resonates deeply within my being, particularly in emotional and spiritual contexts. This protective nature aligns seamlessly with both my personality traits and the etymology of my name. Sandra, derived from the names Alexandra and Alexander, carries the powerful meaning of "protector of humanity or mankind." This intrinsic aspect of my identity instilled in me a sense of duty; I felt it was not just a privilege but an obligation to provide comfort and companionship to my family and friends. At this point in my life, one of my top priorities was watching over my big brother during his most vulnerable moments. He and I shared an extraordinary bond that transcended familial ties and the physical realm.

My brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness and battled this dreadful disease, which had no known cause or cure, for two long years. My commitment to him was unwavering, and there was rarely a moment when I wasn't by his side, offering him solace through my presence. Looking back at that period, I can see it reflected in the photographs from that time in my life. In nearly every snapshot, I am captured beside my brother, a constant figure of support and love amidst the chaos of his illness. Those images tell a story of resilience and devotion, but they also conceal the profound emotional turmoil I was experiencing.

Needless to say, he and I often struggled with insomnia, a shared plight that seemed to bind us even tighter in our darkest hours. The nights were particularly long and daunting, filled with the shadows of our fears and uncertainties. In the stillness of the night, my mind grew more active, and the spiritual activity around me intensified. My frightening experiences with malevolent entities and negative energies heightened my nighttime struggle with sleep. To combat the silence and the weight of our circumstances, I would regularly venture into his room, seeking not only to keep him company but also to find solace from the turmoil of my own mysterious experiences that haunted me. In those quiet hours, we would immerse ourselves in laughter and playfulness. These encounters would eventually lull us into a peaceful sleep, if only for a few hours.

My brother's death marked my first major traumatic experience at a very young age, an event that irrevocably altered the course of my life. For many years, the grief was overwhelming, and it further exacerbated my struggles with insomnia. I found myself plagued by a relentless fear that if I succumbed to sleep, someone else might slip away without my knowledge, and I would miss the opportunity to say my goodbyes. This fear morphed into a haunting anxiety and sleep paralysis. The nights became a battleground where my mind wrestled with shadows and fears, leaving me in a state of perpetual wakefulness, haunted by the loss of my brother and the weight of my spiritual perceptions. Although I wasn't aware of it then, this pain and struggle were God's ways of teaching me about emotional resilience and sowing the seeds for my spiritual awakening.

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Continue Reading --> God's Anointing: Gifts of the Spirit

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