“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” -Winston Churchill
Change is inevitable in most aspects of life. No matter what we do, there are always going to be uncontrollable changes that happen to us. But, what about the changes that we have control of; those changes we want to make in our lives and never do. Why is it so difficult to change? –Let's talk about 3 ways to initiate change in your life...big or small...and how to begin.
Just like everyone else, in my life, I have made many changes. Some changes were easier than others, some were bigger, some were positive and unfortunately, just like everyone else, some weren't for my betterment. But, to change is to evolve and making changes allows us to continue to learn and grow and to become all that we can be. I can look back now and see how far I have come and where I would like to be. I can assess where I've failed and why, where I've succeeded and how, what I need to keep working on and more. I know that I have the power to change myself and any aspect of my life in any way that I want at any given time. However, change is typically easier said than done.
The truth is, everyone wants to change something about themselves or in their lives. But, we are also creatures of habit. We tend to stick to the familiar and comfortable, even though we have every intention of being different and doing better. We idealize what we want and how nice it would be...but then we end up never getting there. My dad used to always say, "Hold out your hands...now want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster."
So how do we change?...
Well, of course, it first takes the true desire or need to change. But, how bad do you want or need it? How important is it to you? Are you just in love with the idea of the outcome? What is driving you? The fact of the matter is, change is difficult. It requires continuous effort, dedication, constant self-evaluation and reflection, the willingness to be honest with yourself and others and sacrifice. Are you willing to remove or let go of the things that are getting in the way of change? Are you willing to accept challenges?
Now, before you give up...know that YOU CAN change. It is one hundred percent possible! Here are a few things you should consider to get you started and help you along the way.
3 Ways To Initiate Change:
#1: What Is Your "WHY"?
To initiate change in any area of your life, there has to be a driving force which creates the right amount of momentum for change. Forward movement only continues as far forward as the amount of force given to it. This force is your "WHY".
First you need to know what your reason for changing is. Once you understand this, it will be your focus and motivation for not giving up, even when things get tough. Although, I will say, having a "why" may not get you far enough. In fact, there is always a reason or a "why" for wanting to change. The question is...is your "WHY" big enough? How important is it to you to change? Do you want to change more than you want to stay the same? Your "WHY" has to mean something significant to you. It has to have enough force to keep you going. Your reason for changing has to have a great deal of value to you. It has to be so important that even the idea of failure won't cause you to quit. I've failed many times in my life because my "WHY" wasn't BIG enough.
Challenge: Write down your "why" and the reason(s) it is important and valuable to you. Keep this where you can see it and reflect on it daily.
#2: BELIEVE That You Can Change!
What good is the desire to change without the belief that you can change? If you don't believe you can, you won't.
This is the one area that I, myself, have struggled with the most in my life. So, let me be the one to tell you...respectfully...STOP telling yourself it is impossible or that you are incapable of change. Stop coming up with excuses of why it won't work or why you can't change right now. Lay down your misconstrued and limited beliefs in yourself and know that no matter what, you have the potential to do anything you set your mind and actions towards. These are fear based behaviors stemming from lack of confidence and worth. You don't believe you can because you don't feel you deserve it for some reason, you fear failure, or both. This is where you have to work on your fixed mindset and limiting beliefs and start building your confidence, which I will cover in later posts. Changing your mindset takes effort and time. It takes willpower. It requires letting go of past hurts that caused you to lose faith in yourself. Get back to that childlike mindset where you believed you could do or be anything.
Challenge: Write down your "I can't _____" statements and the reasons why you think you can't. Below them, re-write those statements as "How can I _____" and give the ways you can achieve these things.
#3: What Are You Willing To Do?
Have you ever heard "Where there's a will, there's a way"? You have to be strong-willed to change. You will face obstacles, you will have to make difficult decisions, and you may have to start over a few times. It may require sacrifices. What are you willing to do that will positively influence the change you seek?
More times than others, you know what you need to do in order to make a specific change. The question is, are you willing to do the things required to get where you want to be? It requires you to be honest with yourself and with others. This is not always an easy thing to do, especially when you have to take a good, long look in the mirror. It takes acknowledging where you are in the current moment and how you got here. It requires you to dig deep inside. You may scratch open old wounds, you may face hard truths, but no matter the case...it is necessary for growth. You have to be willing to take accountability for your role in where you are now. This is where you evaluate every aspect of your life and ask "Does this or will this get me to where I need and want to be in my life?". You have to be willing to let go of the things that no longer serve you in order to change. There will be tests, challenges, and obstacles, but if you have a plan to overcome them and you stick to that plan...you won't waiver from your path to betterment. When things get tough or don't work out just how you want them to, exactly when you want them to...are you going to revert to your old habits or stand your ground and push forward?
Challenge: Make a list of things/people/places/habits that do not serve your best interest when it comes to the change(s) you're wanting to make. Write down what you need to do to rid them from your life and how you will do so. Then make a list of the possible challenges or obstacles you will face in omitting these from your life and the steps you will take to overcome them. Put this plan into action and reference it anytime you consider reverting. Check off everything you accomplish and journal about it as you work through it.
Final Thoughts:
While there is more to the process, these three concepts will help you develop a good foundation for any change. Remember, start small and work your way to bigger things. Don't overwhelm yourself to the point of giving up. Always know, there is a way to make it work if you are willing to seek it out. Don't procrastinate, just take action and build momentum. As long as you are going forward, that is progress. Don't fear failure. Failure is merely a chance to learn. See it as an opportunity, rather than fearing it. If you mess up...assess the situation, figure out what went wrong and what you could do differently next time, make the needed corrections, then get back up and keep going toward your goals. You've got this!!!
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